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Small Hearts, Big Feelings: Helping Children Cope with Grief

Small Hearts, Big Feelings: Helping Children Cope with Grief

Dr. Sarah Miller, Child Psychologist
October 12, 2024

Explaining death to a child is one of the hardest things a parent ever has to do. Children and grief is a complex topic, as their understanding of death changes as they grow. Honesty, patience, and reassurance are your best tools.

Age-Appropriate Explanations

Avoid euphemisms like "went to sleep" or "lost," which can be confusing and scary for literal-minded children. It's better to use clear, gentle language: "Grandma's body stopped working, and she has died."

Validating Feelings

Children grieve in "puddles"—jumping in and out of sadness. They might cry one minute and want to play tag the next. This is normal. Let them know that all their feelings—sadness, anger, fear, or even numbness—are okay.

Involvement

Allowing children to participate in rituals can be healing. Let them draw a picture to put in the casket, choose a song for the service, or release a balloon. Being included helps them process the reality of the loss and feel a sense of closure.

People Also Ask

Should children attend funerals?
Children can attend funerals and may benefit from the experience of participating in a farewell ritual. Prepare them with age-appropriate explanations of what to expect. Children as young as three or four can attend if they understand what is happening and a trusted adult is present to support them.
How do you explain death to a young child?
Use clear, gentle, and honest language. Avoid euphemisms like "went to sleep" or "passed on," which can be confusing. Say something like: "Grandpa's body stopped working and he died. That means he won't be coming back, but we will always love him and remember him."
How long do children grieve?
Children's grief is not linear. They may appear to move on quickly and then revisit their feelings as they grow and mature. Grief may resurface at milestones like graduations or weddings when they feel the absence most acutely. Consistent reassurance and open communication help throughout the process.
Children and GriefParenting Through LossChild Psychology